It goes both ways, obviously. Men do it, too. And this is in no way meant to come across as rude or male-chauvinistic. This is simply and straightforwardly an appeal to the fairer sex to help myself, and men everywhere, to understand what it is that you are truly looking for in a man.

After having a number of conversations with my guy friends, throwing around our ideas about what girls really want, we have concluded that we have no idea. But we would like to. My friends and I have long considered ourselves to be of the “nice guy” mold. Not to say we are perfect by any means, but we have always tried to be the nice, sensitive guy who is there for a woman and really, honestly tries to understand her because we really do care. We get fed up, perhaps just as much as you women say you do, with the guys who are jerks and treat you poorly. We get annoyed with the guys who go out and party and drink and only want one thing from you. We try to be deep and thoughtful and respectful; all things I’ve heard girls are looking for. And yet, in the end, it’s not us who end up with the girl. It’s the jerk. No matter how badly he treats you, it seems you still want him more than me. That’s not to sound negative or depressed. I’m fine, truly. But it does make me curious. If a guy treats a girl badly, she wants him. If I treat a girl nicely, she doesn’t want me. So am I supposed to start treating you women badly so you will date me?

It doesn’t matter what the answer is. I’m not going to do that. I’m going to keep being a nice guy so don’t worry.

But it still made me curious. It made me ask questions. It made me think. And although my friends and I concluded that we really have no idea what women really want, we also came up with a theory about what we think you might want, whether you realize it or not. This theory is a part of what we call Spark Theory.

Spark Theory is a term we made up to describe the many facets of our quest for better relationships between men and women, particularly our goal to change the way women see themselves and demand to be seen, and treated, by the men around them. In this particular topic, Spark Theory essentially says that women are looking for that spark with a man. You know what I’m talking about. It’s that feeling you get when you’re all excited when you’re around him. It’s that can’t eat, can’t sleep feeling you get when you’re not around him. It’s that feeling in your stomach that makes you all nervous, even if we think you’re all cool and beautiful and like you’re not even thinking about us at all. It’s the spark. It’s what inspires the idea of love at first sight. It’s what countless movies and songs have been inspired by and based almost entirely on. It’s the feeling that everything about life is better now; everything about life is good now that you have met this person. That’s what the spark is. And that’s what I think women are looking for. That’s what we think you really want. That’s why you all say “awwww” together during really romantic movies when the guy says something really sweet because it makes you feel a bit of that spark.

So our goal with this blog is to pose a question to women everywhere, and to encourage and invite responses from you. We want feedback. We want answers. Why does the nice guy always lose? What is it that the jerk has but the nice guy doesn’t? The question, ultimately, that we want to know from you women is this: What gives you the spark?

So, comment on this post with your answers. I’m trying to get an email address set up as well where we can receive emails. I will let you all know when I do. But please, there are no wrong answers here. Women are different so it will be different I suppose for everyone. However, try to generalize it a bit. Think about what it is that you really want. Think about what characteristics make you excited about a guy. Is it his looks? Obviously it is at least a little bit. But can an average-looking guy make up for that by having a really good sense of humor? What about confidence? I think that’s a big one, actually. Feel free to let us know what you don’t want, too. But just let us know.

Consider this blog as an offering from a nice guy to women everywhere to open a line of communication. I feel communication is very important and very under-utilized. So if we can talk to each other, maybe our relationships between genders would improve. So it’s your turn now. Talk. We’re listening.